


Everything Changes

by silvertrails



Series: First Age Arc [31]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: A love story ends. Will Caranthir allow a new story to begin?





	Everything Changes

**Everything Changes  
** By CC  
March, 2018 

The Valar, Maiar, Elves, Dwarves, and Men belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit made and no harm intended. I’m just playing with them for a little while.

* * *

_I love you, Carnistir…_

_You are too young, cousin…_

That day in Tirion, Aikanáro had come to Caranthir and demanded that he did not bond with Airamaril. A year later, they had become lovers, but after Fëanáro pulled a sword on Nolofinwë, their love had turned sour. It had never died, though. Not even then.

_How could you leave us behind?_

_You should have returned to Tirion with your father._

Lake Mithrim, more arguments, and heated kisses afterwards. It had ended when Caranthir moved to Lake Helevorn, and it had it hurt. Aikanáro had come to see him to Lake Helevorn, many times…

_I still love you, Caranthir. I wish this madness ended so we can be together._

_I cannot undo what I did, cousin._

_The Oath…_

_Indeed._

_Then we cannot be together._

_I know._

The visits had finally ceased, and Caranthir had managed to find some peace. He had his realm to take care of, and he often hunted with Celegorm and Curufin, or visited Ambarussa in Estolad. Maedhros would come, sometimes alone and others with Maglor. 

He had been at peace.

There was Brellas too, his constant companion, and the only Sindar Elf who seemed to see through Caranthir’s carefully composed mask. He was a Noldor in a land of the Teleri’s kin, after all. 

Brellas’ company made him happy.

Caranthir was standing in the green hall, Aikanáro’s last letter in his hands, and he was shredding it to pieces as he tried to control his anger and pain. Aikanáro had fallen in love with one of the Secondborn, a woman named Andreth. Aikanáro was telling him that their story was over. 

It had been over for years, but knowing that Aikanáro had fallen in love with someone else gave it a sense of finality. Caranthir had fought the attraction he felt for Brellas, not only for Aikanáro’s sake, but because he truly cared for his Sindar aide. What did it matter to him that Aikanáro had decided to stay away from Andreth?

_I am in love with Andreth, but I have closed my heart to these feelings. Danger lurks, and I cannot give her what she needs…_

_I am doomed to stay alone…_

_I will always love you, Caranthir._

Caranthir threw what remained of Aikanáro’s letter into the fire, and punched the stone made hearth, the bones of his hand nearly cracking from the strain. He turned around and sat at the table, burying his face in his hands, oblivious to the scent of blood and the gasp from the Elf coming through the door.

“What is wrong?”

“Leave me alone.”

“Your hand is bleeding, Caranthir.”

“Is it?” Caranthir looked at his hand, watching the broken skin with a detached expression.

“I will bring something---”

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

“Brellas…”

“I will be back. Try not to break anything while I am gone.”

This said, Brellas left the hall while Caranthir wondered once again why he allowed the younger Elf to do as he pleased. 

He knew the reason, but he was not going to use Brellas to deal with his pain. No matter how much he cared for his aide, or maybe because of it. He could not look for Brellas while Aikanáro’s decision was making his spirit bleed.

* * *

Aegnor stood alone on one of the fortress towers, his eyes fixed on the lands beyond the pine forest, the Ard-Galen, the vast expanse who separated the Noldorin outposts from Angband. Not even the sweet scent coming from the forest could console him or heal his broken heart. He had fallen in love once again, this time for a daughter of Men. 

Why was it that he kept falling in love with those who would leave his side in the end? They loved him back, Aegnor knew it, but he’d lost Caranthir long ago, and he’d lost Andreth when he told her that their love had no future.

It had been painful, but necessary. Aegnor could not offer her what she needed, a life companion who would grow old with her. It would only bring sorrow to them both, because she would see his flame persist, while hers dimmed. 

Aegnor would stay with her till the end, but it was not fair to her. Would they have children? 

No, he could not condemn her to a life of uncertainty, not when hers was so short, not when danger lurked in the north.

“What are you doing here alone, Aiko?”

Finrod had come to visit, and consult with Aegnor and Angrod about possible incursions of Orc packs in Ard-Galen. Fingolfin wanted to launch a new attack on Angband. It might be a good plan to catch the Vala unware now that they were strong, but after the meeting in Hithlum, they had decided to keep a vigilant eye on Ard-Galen and strengthen their defenses. 

“I can see you are in pain, brother,” Finrod said when Aegnor stayed silent. “Would you not speak to me?”

Aegnor sighed. “You do not know what ails me, Findo?”

Finrod nodded. “Angrod said something about a daughter of Men. He is concerned.”

“I wish Angrod spoke to me, or stayed silent. He never approved of Caranthir. Does he approve of Andreth?”

“I cannot say anything about Andreth,” Finrod said. “Angrod is concerned, but he kept his opinion on this matter to himself.”

Aegnor shrugged. “He is learning.”

“I loved Amarië,” Finrod said, “but she would not come with me. Now that we are here I believe that it was for the best. These are troubling times.”

“So you feel it too, the danger?”

Finrod nodded. “A few years ago Caranthir sent a letter to me. He was having nightmares about death by fire.”

Aegnor looked at Finrod. “I know he was having dreams, but Lord Námo came to him and helped him to build his shields.”

“I knew nothing about that!”

_Carnistir, what did you hide from me?_

“I was called by Caranthir’s Sindar aide, Brellas. He said that our cousin was having trouble sleeping, and risking his life recklessly. I traveled to his domains and stayed with him for a few days.”

“I see…”

“What did he tell you, Findo?”

“That he was dreaming of possible futures. Terrible scenarios where…?”

“Where I died in a river of flame? I have had that dream too. I never had the gift of foresight, but Caranthir does…”

Finrod placed a hand on Aegnor’s shoulder. “He never had it before, I believe. Maybe it was nothing but fear for you.”

Aegnor trembled, pain lacing his heart. “Morgoth sent those dreams to him… Maybe he is sending them to me now. Or maybe that is my destiny. I know something will happen to us all, which is why I approved of Uncle Nolo’s plans.”

“I believe that we are not strong enough yet, but maybe the moment when Morgoth tries to break our siege is coming. That is another reason I came. I wanted to see the Ard-Galen and the shadow of Thangorodrim in the distance.”

Aegnor turned his eyes to the north. “And now you have seen it, and felt it, brother. We have less time than our cousins think. We have to prepare.”

“We will.”

“Sometimes I wonder why Lord Námo came to visit Caranthir in his dreams. It is not the first time…”

“I wish I knew too,” Finrod said. “Now let us join Angrod in the main halls. We need to discuss a few things before I return to Nargothrond.”

* * *

Brellas tended to Caranthir’s hand, marveling at the fact that it was not broken. He knew that the elves born in the Blessed Lands were stronger than those who stayed back in Ennorath, but he could see the rock dust on the floor. Caranthir had hit the stone mantelpiece. 

“Thank you, Brellas.”

Brellas nodded. “You should be careful with it for a few days, maybe bathe it in---”

“There is no need.”

Caranthir stood and looked at the flames, as if he could read something in them. Brellas packed the ointments and bandages in silence, waiting. It had taken him a while, but now he knew when Caranthir needed to be left alone, and this was not one of those times. 

There was something burning in the hearth, and Brellas knew that pigeons had come this morning. What could have upset Caranthir so much? Because this was not one of his usual bursts of anger. Brellas could see the pain under the fiery façade. 

So he waited until Caranthir sat down again.

“I can see the future sometimes,” he said. “Nothing clear, just dreams and nightmares. I was never able to see the future when I was home… When I was in Aman. I read minds, sensed things, but everything has changed now. Sometimes… I should have known that he would leave, but I never really believed it. I sensed nothing! Why am I telling you this?”

So this was because of Aegnor.

“Because I am your friend.”

Caranthir looked at him for a moment. “You are, but there are things that…”

Brellas looked into Caranthir’s eyes and wished he could erase the pain from them. He had hoped that Caranthir found happiness with his cousin, as unlikely as it was given their story. Brellas had hoped that their love was strong enough, but…

“I will listen, if you want to speak with me, but I can stay here and keep you company.”

“And why is that, Brellas?”

“I am your friend,” Brellas said again.

And I love you, he mused, carefully shielding his mind. He knew that Caranthir would not read his thoughts, but he did not want to take the chance. His feelings, these feelings that Brellas had tried to deny were always lurking in the deepest corner of his spirit. 

_How can I love him after what he did to my distant kin?_

Because there was more to Caranthir than the kinslaying at Alqualondë, he knew it now. Yet Caranthir was suffering because he had lost another, the cousin he had loved before everything in their world changed.

Brellas reached to touch the place on his chest where the token that Caranthir had given him when they met hung under his tunic. The beautiful green gem with the strange symbol carved in it. 

_I don’t know where the symbol came from, Caranthir had told him. Sometimes I dream of it._

He started when he realized that Caranthir was watching him. There was something different on his expression, some deep emotion that confused Brellas. He let his hand fall to his lap.

“The Oath has taken all from us,” Caranthir said. “Even love, or the peace that comes with it. My brothers…” He shook his head. “It matters not, because we are doomed to fail, even if we cannot stop trying to recover the Silmarils.”

“Why can you not stop?”

“We made an Oath, and we will fall into everlasting darkness if we do not fulfill it.”

“Have you not fallen into darkness already because of it?” Brellas regretted his words, but it was done.

Caranthir looked at him for a long moment. “Yes, we have, and that is why I cannot allow myself to fall in love again. Do you understand what I am saying, Brellas?

Brellas felt his eyes fill with tears. “Yes, but I am still your friend.”

Caranthir reached out and brushed a traitorous tear off Brellas’ cheek. “I know, and that is the greatest gift you have given me.”

Brellas closed his eyes. “I don’t like to see you in pain.”

“And I don’t like to make you sad. Open your eyes, Brellas, look at me. You are the only friend I have, but if being here makes you suffer…”

“I will not leave,” Brellas said. 

Caranthir nodded. “Thank you. Let’s go outside. I need fresh air, we both do. Come with me and let’s sail into the lake.”

“I will have to do the sailing,” Brellas said, looking at Caranthir’s hand.

Caranthir smiled, his eyes sad. “You know I trust you with my life.”


End file.
